Your Canvas of Life

The still, small voice that said "Now, go out and design a Life..."

Maybe this is how you feel about your life…

What was once so full of promise lays in ruins. You weren’t supposed to wind up this unhappy, this broke, this alone, this stuck, this broken in body or mind…

Everyone struggles with some form of this…varying degrees of dissapointment with ourselves and our lives…

We might turn that blame and hurt inward…or we might turn it outward to partner, boss, family, culture, etc. Secret shames linger uncomfortably…

Most of us do some ill-fitting combination of the two.

*************

I will never forget an afternoon spent with Shirley the psychic in our small weekly spiritual development class…

Before you get all indignant, let me tell you how I got mixed up with Shirley. I had always shied away from such people (for all the typical reasons), but there was a time in my business life where I was representing artists in my Atlanta showrooms. A young woman approached me one day with her whimsical clay angels. I took a chance on her. To my great suprise, F’s homely angels soon outsold everyone else’s work.

As F and I got to know one another, she made frequent reference to her friend and mentor, Shirley, who she often urged me to meet. Along the way, F also made me privy to some of her personal struggles…which were considerable.

As a kind of rite of entry, she handed me the biography of a very troubled artist. The artist had spilled his ravings onto every interior wall, nook and cranny of his house. Disturbing material… I got her message.

I began to realize that Shirley had kept F from committing suicide (and perhaps homicide) many times over the years. It was that realization that broke the barrier.

I agreed to meet Shirley. Psychic or not, she had done what no therapist could have done… I had worked with a number of suicidal people over the years, but F’s situation took more devious twists and turns than I could have helped with. I was intrigued by this woman…

Shirley was a reluctant psychic, to say the least. Once we got to know each other, she shared her own story with me. It had not been an easy journey. She was gifted from birth…uncomfortably aware. (I can attest…it is a difficult gift)

She ran from it, hid it, tried repeatedly to immerse herself in a regular existence, but eventually it was made clear to her that she was here to serve.

When she finally came to terms with the unavoidable, she became a guiding light to many people.

I found her to be highly ethical, completely down-to-earth and unerring in her guidance. She was a true teacher…as this story will show.

She took me aside privately one day to say the following. “Do NOT lose touch with your foundation in Christ as you grow beyond the church. It is your proper foundation. Unfortunately, most Christians treat Jesus like Santa Claus…someone they continually seek presents from. But this is quite real. So hold onto your foundation as these new experiences enlarge you.”

A typical class would start with a discussion of the dreams we’d had the previous week. Many of us pass over dreams, not remembering or valuing them. But she had gotten us into the habit of journalling our dreams and insights…making a place for them. She would help interpret and answer questions about them in very substantive ways. Under her guidance, we were also learning to link the material and learn from our dreams. For instance…the emotional content of the dream holds the key to its meaning.

Then she would give a practical demonstration of the way the various spiritual abilities manifested. We all have them…it may not be the time for their unfoldment or our attention is elsewhere. We might not focus time on their development.

In a cultural aside…in Thailand, there is the rainy season retreat, where people take time off from work and business to become ‘temporary’ monks or nuns. An annual month-long break for developing their spiritual lives (akin to our sabbatical, but better and available to all).

In one demonstration, Shirley asked us to bring something that held sentimental value…a letter, a stone, a piece of jewelry or clothing. She would take one article at a time, close her eyes and feel the energies associated with it. A word picture would then emerge.

For my part, I was a strict skeptic in all these things. I would bring a challenge that could only be met by the real gift. I handed her a photo of a beach on the edge of a forest…

No guesswork, no ‘cold-reading’ as it is called by the fakers. My classmates were often too eager to believe and accept. On a field trip to a spiritualist community, I saw how easily they were taken in by the fraudulent workers who fed off the gullible and the needy…many of whom were members of the IBM (International Brotherhood of Magicians).

The problem for me is that I know that the real thing exists and how crucially helpful it can be at life’s turning points. It’s the minefield you have to cross to get there…

Shirley took the photo and held it for a long minute. Then she described the log cabin that had been and that was no longer in that spot…in remarkable detail. She went on to tell me in a discreet fashion what had taken place there. (It was a night that altered the course of my life at a difficult time. She confirmed that I had indeed met an angel in the flesh…a very private event that I had never quite dared to believe and had never divulged).

Ok…so that’s how good the real stuff is….

These demonstrations would be followed by instruction…an exercise…always surprising…and immensely practical.

So on this afternoon, Shirley handed out notepads that were designed to look like 11x17 artist canvases, along with colorful markers. She told us to think about our lives up to this point. “Think of your life as a canvas…”

“Depict in any way that you like, the various aspects of your life and how you feel about them. It can be your marriage, job, things hoped for, your past. Take all the time you want. Draw the canvas of your life.

This will be private…not show and tell. Include the good, the bad, the ugly. It can be words, pictures, emotions…whatever suits you.”

Then she lowered the lights a bit, creating a sense of privacy for our introspection. People turned their backs or headed to the corners of the room. I remember one woman bent over her pad, shoulders scrunched up to her ears, scribbling furiously.

I was in a ‘gap year’ of sorts, healing from knee surgery after a car accident. The timing of it (although I’d had a helpful premonition of the accident) was enough to bounce me out of business. My canvas was in some disarray…

One woman had a very happy canvas…full of beauty…an enviable life. Everything she ever wanted in life came to her practically at the snap of her fingers. The same could not be said for the others. Shirley had long since analysed this phenomenon of life.

As a child herself, she wondered how a few of her little friends got whatever they wanted, while she pined away in feverish and fervent prayer and struggled without.

Life’s little classrooms…

While I am not at liberty to give Shirley’s answers to that question as I am still in the tail end of that class myself, it is a question well worth pondering.

Looking around the room after our canvas assignment, you could read a lot in our faces. Some were harried, questions remained, a couple looked somewhat dejected…and all very thoughtful.

One never knew quite what to expect with Shirley… This day bore that out once again. We thought we might pass our pads to her for her insightful remarks, but that was not to be…

She asked us to go back, think again….really study our canvases…feel into them! Make any revisions or additions. This was serious business of some sort… Back to work we went, striving for any missing details.

Finally, when the time was fully ripe, this is what Shirley said to us…

“This canvas of your life represents everything that you have put on it. The good, the disappointing, the problems, successes, disagreements, struggles, tragedies…you name it!

This is your doing…all of it. Every person, event, issue, every bit of history on this canvas of your life is something that you have placed on it.”

Our hearts started to sink a little at this unwelcome assessment.

You could practically hear us as we thought ‘But look what he or she did to me!’ ‘Look at how life treated me!’ ‘I would NEVER have chosen this or that calamity!’ ‘How could you even think that, Shirley!?’ ‘I had a better life planned…not this!’ ‘Somebody else came and messed it up!’

We all had ways of asserting our innocence…of blaming others.

We couldn’t possibly have caused these harms or those mishaps or troubles!’

We all had our stories, our grievances…set in stone, for the most part.

This was life as we understood it! So it must be true!

Shirley began…

“The bad investment you made in the car that turned out to be a lemon? You chose that car. You signed off on the paperwork.

The money you loaned to that friend or family member? You handed that money over.

Your bad marriage or relationship? You chose that person every step of the way…did you not?”

Well…yes we did.

“How about the time you rushed out the door in a hurry and rear-ended the driver of the car in front of you?

Or the drunk driving or speeding ticket?

The illness you might have prevented, but you chose to do the self-indulgent thing instead…again and again?

How about the job you hated…but you stayed on? You chose that, too.”

Slowly Shirley brought all kinds of things out into the light.

“Take another look at your canvas…

Do you see that you are the painter…and not the victim, as you imagined?

You put all those things and people and situations on the canvas of your life!

You were handed a canvas at the start of your life…and this is where you stand today. This is what you’ve created. This is what it looks like. This is what it feels like.

Groans of dawning recognition…

“But, you see,” she continued, “You are still in charge of your canvas…no one else!

So you put something on there that you don’t like?

You, as the artist, can change that! You can remove an element that’s not working for you. You are free to paint something better over it. You can scrape the old thing off and begin again, if you want.

You can take that person or situation off your canvas. Figure out what will make your Canvas of Life something that you want it to be!

Not just circumstances and people…

Look at the attitudes, the fears and the phobias that inhabit your canvas. The world view, the outlook… Your expectations for your future…your forebodings!

Look at the masks you wear…and the false personas you have created.

Who is the real you? Who would you like to be? What can you do about it?

How can you move in a more desirable direction?

Look at the colors and the moods, the heavy or light brushstrokes.

You do not have to be confined to these histories. You are not trapped within this present canvas. The canvas is still active.

There are times when everything has been mangled, lost, erased, or taken from you.

Life might be handing you a fresh canvas…”

********************

Our outlooks were powerfully changed that day and in the coming days and years.

It was shocking to take full responsibility for our lives and everything about them!

The truth of that began to seep in…

It was a pretty thorough reorientation.

We were reminded again and again, repeatedly directed back to center.

Whose responsibility?

We were learning to take responsibility in a whole new way.

“I did this! This is my responsibility! Uh-oh…I don’t like what’s happening, but, you know? I caused this!”

Eventually, this all gave way to things like: “Let’s try this instead! Oh yes, that’s more like it! I really am in charge of my outcomes! I can paint over any time I want. I am no longer stuck!”

We became active participants in our lives…no longer passive victims of fate and circumstances.

How empowering this outlook proved to be…

*********

On a personal level…remember the accident that bounced me out of business?

My canvas in disarray? Here’s the backstory…

I had just reached the pinnacle of what I considered success when I had a premonition of ‘an accident…a car accident…small, without a lot of injuries’. The premonition came in a little series of soft intrusions. And then the accident happened!

Exactly as it was revealed…with a couple of humorous twists.

That said, I think I have to tell that story next…

But, for purposes of this story, I was doing what I loved the most…designing! I was given a lucky break via Spirit and I wound up working for the greatest company with the greatest people! I enjoyed carte blanche, a real budget and the opportunity to grow from beginning projects to the most highly-prized project of all in just over a year.

The day I was awarded that prize project and handed the blueprints, I was over the moon with excitement! It was so exhilarating!!

By morning, however, I was inexplicably led to hand it all back!! And there was a sense of urgency with it. It made no sense…and I really wondered if my senses were to be trusted!

How could this be happening to me??!! I’d worked so hard to get this!! It was all I could think about!!

But, ya know? I know the Voice…

I made the call, met my boss and told him I had to decline the project. I gave it all back! I was quitting. He was as surprised and dismayed as I was!

“But why?!” We were both incredulous….

“I don’t know why.” It was the only honest answer I could give.

My beloved design work! Was I out of my mind!?

Two days later, I was rear-ended…and my life was completely up-ended.

Little did I know that all of this was just a precursor to better things…

I called it a well-disguised blessing…

A fresh canvas was handed to me…

The still, small voice said "Now, go out and design a Life…"

****

Even if you’ve painted yourself into a corner (who hasn’t?) turn your canvas around for a fresh look from different angles.

It is still an active canvas…and YOU are the artist-in-residence.

Those details in:

When God Knocks a Leg Out from Under YouDebra Robinson·May 10, 2025Read full story

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