I was going about my afternoon in the usual way when I suddenly
felt a shock of fright and a moment of excruciating pain.
I caught my breath sharply and clutched my stomach.
And then, inexplicably, I yelled "Hang on Larry!! Hang on!"
It all happened so fast...in an instant!
There was such an urgency in my voice!
I felt as though I had been struck down!
But I was fine.
And Larry...well, he was thousands of miles away on the west coast.
I felt deep distress. My chest was heaving and I felt faint.
I had never had a spontaneous outburst quite like that before!
All I knew was that something major had happened...
When I tried to call him, there was no answer.
I tried over many hours, but nothing!
I had no choice but to wait.
It was a unending wait. So many things went through my mind...
And then it hit me...
I had been forewarned...
I met this man under unusual circumstances (see 'A Child's Love').
We were set up to meet in an unusual way on the day he had planned
to take his life. Our meeting changed that outcome.
I knew that I had been guided into his life for a purpose...
As I got to know him better, I learned about the death of his 4 yr. old daughter and the other difficulties that led him close to the brink of self-destruction.
We continued to see each other for a year or so.
Though it appeared to be a romantic relationship, something cautioned
in that regard.
I was beginning to understand that most relationships were mislabeled, misunderstood.
It seems we have too few options...friend, sex partner, lover, spouse
That may work for some people, but it is really inadequate for many of us.
It is ultimately misleading...causing so much heartache and confusion.
Relationships run a much broader gamut...
I half-knew that this was not a relationship in the typical sense,
but I wasn't sure what to call it or how to describe it.
I simply lacked a mental framework or vocabulary for what it was.
That would come in time...
We were playing the game, but, in truth, we were in each other's lives
for other purposes...as time would demonstrate.
It came to me gradually that this relationship was more of an 'assignment'.
But as I looked back on my personal history, I began to wonder if most,
if not all, of my relationships had been just that...assignments!
Far from being 'failed romances', they were usually a means
to a very different end...
Helping someone through a hard phase, delivering a lesson, healing,
I think that many people could recast their experiences in more accurate
terms if they gave it some thought.
It would take the sting and heartache out of many past memories.
We encounter people and situations for learning, helping, experience...
an exchange of many things.
Not every relationship leads to a ring, nor should they.
They needn't be relegated to flings or mistakes when they didn't last.
Relationships exist for varied reasons. They're not all intended to last.
If we could see and articulate our situations in a truer light,
we could disengage with understanding and move forward in healthy ways,
being glad for the love that was given and for a job well done.
Sometimes help is given...and rejected, squandered or mishandled,
but that does not negate the effort given.
It becomes part of a larger lesson at that point.
Sometimes, we are taken 'off the case' in order that another tool is taken up.
I felt the mis-fit. I began to wonder what else might be going on.
Gradually, I had a sense that he was about to turn a significant corner
in his life and that I would help him through it, having weathered
a similar experience myself.
What that pertained to was anyone's guess.
I just had a sense of something impending.
My place was to wait. I would know when the time came.
Late that evening I received a call. It was Larry...finally!
He'd had an accident on the job.
"I was unloading furniture off the back of my truck.
When I stepped down, I felt my knee tear. I'm hobbling around!"
I heard the pain and worry in his voice.
"When did it happen? Which knee? Tell me again...give me all the details!"
I was dumbfounded!
It happened at the same time that I clutched in pain and cried out.
This was also an incredible deja vu moment...as incredible as it gets!
Now everything made sense...
Two years before, I'd had a premonition of being in an accident.
Three weeks later, I was rear-ended by a small truck.
A week later, I was helping someone unload a dresser from the back
of a truck. I stepped down on my left leg and heard a loud crack.
Something in my left knee snapped and my leg buckled.
I fell to the ground in excruciating pain
My leg dangled useless from the knee.
An ACL tear, as I was to learn.
That fateful accident led to a major life change...and a fairly bumpy one
Here was Larry describing the same injury...a mirror experience!
The same injury, the same leg and it happened in exactly the same manner!
I knew that this would be a pivotal event in his life...
This was going to be very tough going for him.
My accident had bounced me out of business...a factory with 72 employees,
a comfortable lifestyle, achievements that I was proud of.
The accident led to many unanticipated changes.
In short, it was a complete deconstruction and eventual reconstruction
of my life along very different lines.
It was a very heavy experience...what I later called a well-disguised blessing.
"Have you gone to the Emergency Room? You do realize that this is serious."
"No...it's just a bad sprain. I'll wrap it up and get over it."
I knew from his description that it was a lot more serious than a sprain.
He would need surgery at the earliest opportunity.
He insisted he would be back at work in the morning.
I knew otherwise...
However hard I tried, there was no convincing him.
He was understandably in denial.
I realized that this injury might very likely spell the end of his successful business, as well.
I wished it wasn't so, but the signs and the similarities were undeniable.
The following morning, his knee was stiff and swollen, but he
was still sure that it was a minor issue.
When he tried to walk, however, his leg buckled.
Slowly he began to realize that an ace bandage was not going to do the trick.
By evening, he relented and went to the ER.
Surgery for a torn ACL was the verdict.
His crew got him onto a flight back to Atlanta while I set things in motion.
We had a surgeon ready and the last preparations were made.
I knew he struggled to reconcile the facts with his determination
to minimize the injury.
Surgery, rest and rehab.
This was a very bitter pill.
Chances were good that he would not be able to return to his lifelong line
of work. Tragic for him.
I set him up at a hotel near the hospital. I did what I could and left for the night. I knew he needed time to sort himself out.
The plan was to pick him up in the morning and take him to the hospital
I passed a fitful night, aware of his turmoil and upset.
The following morning, I arrived at the hotel and knocked on his door.
There was no answer. I called his name and knocked several more times,
but still no response. Time was running short!
I called his room and his phone repeatedly. Still no answer.
I asked management to check on him, but their policy was not to disturb
a guest before 24 hrs. had passed.
I was completely stymied and sick with worry. Something was terribly wrong.
Hours passed, I called the hospital, pleaded with the hotel manager again
and then finally went home where I endured a sleepless night.
Given the circumstances of our first meeting, I was doubly worried.
Would he be tempted to commit suicide again? I was distraught.
He had been making his way up in life again when this hit him.
I had experienced similar devastation in the beginning.
In the morning, the manager finally checked on him.
His room was empty!
No one had seen or heard anything. He'd vanished at some point!
I called every friend and employee I could think of. No one had heard a thing!
He had no ready transportation locally.
It was too early for the police to get involved.
I was soon out of ideas.There was nowhere to turn.
I tried to quell my anxiety and growing panic.
I went back home and paced helplessly.
Over the next 2 days, I tried so hard to intuit what was happening.
Normally, I can manage fairly decently, but I was totally blind...
unable to perceive anything.
If ever I needed to be intuitive, this was the time!
This made no sense...
I spent the next 3 days and nights in a horrible turmoil.
I was exhausted, hopeless and confused. It was agonizing...
On the 4th morning, I woke with a start from the 1st sleep I'd had in days.
A thought...unbidden...appeared at the forefront of my mind.
He'd mentioned an ex-wife and kids near Sarasota, Florida.
They'd had a bitter divorce several years before we met...
Though it had never in my life entered my mind to look up someone's
information, I flew to my computer and typed in his name and the town
he'd lived in.
My body was moving faster than my brain.
His name and number popped right up!
Without so much as a thought, I dialed the number.
A woman answered.
"Is Larry R there?"
"Why yes....He's sitting right here. May I ask who's calling?"
There was a slight edge to her voice.
I answered her simply and then I asked about his surgery.
"How do you know about his surgery?"
I described the recent events to her.
She told me that he'd flown to Florida, had his surgery and that he
was recuperating at home with his family.
I felt her confusion and temper rising. I felt mine, as well...
"Mrs. R, apparently I owe you an apology...
I have been seeing your husband for a year and a half.
He told me you had divorced several years ago.
I had no idea he was still married. There were no indications that he
was married. We spent holidays and birthdays together. We went on trips.
I honestly did not know!"
"But that's impossible! He spent those holidays and birthdays here at home!"
We started to compare notes.
He'd spent the mornings with the family and, on the excuse of working,
had driven 7 hrs. to spend them with me, as well.
I took a deep breath. I could feel her fury.
"Mrs. R... I am so sorry!
What do you need from me? What do you need to know?
Where do you want me to start?"
That defused the situation.
Instead of fighting, as would typically happen, we talked as allies.
Over the next 2 hours, we hashed out everything in a good way.
It was an amazing conversation that set the stage for healing for each of us.
Larry meanwhile, was a captive audience for the whole conversation...
confined to a recliner next to his wife with his leg in a cast!
So many lies were exposed. There was so much that she needed to know.
His other affairs came to light through all the information that we exchanged.
In the end, she thanked me warmly...and then she asked if there was anything
I wanted to say to Larry.
He took the phone reluctantly.
I spoke briefly. I was furious with him for his lies, his selfishness
and his callous way of leaving me worried sick about him.
Furious with him for what he'd done to his family.
There was no excuse for any of it...no empty apology would be tolerated.
I hung up. It was over.
Though it was painful at points, I was glad that everything had been exposed.
It had been strenuous working with him all that time...I was weary.
I wondered what the next chapter of his life would be like,
but my part was finished.
I thought that was the end of it.
Abrupt, to be sure, but at least there had been plenty of closure.
I called a friend and suggested a road trip to Florida.
I needed to get all of that off my mind and out of my system.
Besides, I was overdue for a visit to Cassadaga Spiritualist Camp
and a session with Rev. Hoover.
Warren Hoover was an accomplished psychic of many years standing...
one of the great old ones!
He had been in my life at several major turning points.
You never had to say a single word with him...
He always went straight to the heart of whatever you were dealing with.
On this day, he did not disappoint...
He took one look at me and said: "Oh dear! You have just been through
a terrible shock. Your aura is wavering. You are doubting yourself.
You doubt that love exists... even God's love.
But you must know that you have not created any karma here.
You did nothing wrong.
The thing that is causing you pain is this...normally you are very psychic,
but in this circumstance, you were not able to read properly at all.
You wondered why you didn't know...
You are thinking "How could I have been so stupid?!"
This is not the point. Do not worry! You are still gifted.
This is what we call a karmic set-up.
In life, we have many things to learn...many things to experience.
There are times when, in order for you to learn, certain things must
be hidden from you.
You have to go through an experience without the advantage
of your spiritual gifts...like an ordinary mortal.
How else can you learn?
Some things can only be accomplished in this way.
In this instance, you were not supposed to know that this man was married.
It is all right. Again, you did not do anything wrong.
(Mind you-I still had not spoken a single word)
You are going to hear from him again.
(I was quite certain that I wouldn't)
It is not quite finished.
Oh..and by the way, the friend that came with you today...
You will have a parting of the ways very shortly."
With that, our session concluded.
His accuracy was astonishing...
He had given other specific details, but many remarks were left out
in the interest of brevity.
It was a huge comfort and confirmation of many things.
He had given me such an unexpected and valuable perspective
on how things work...
Those lessons still yield fruit years later...
His last statement rocked my world, however.
This was my closest spiritual friend. We were closer than sisters
and had gone through many significant things together.
For several years, since our 1st meeting at a Reiki workshop,
we had spent holidays, vacations, everything together.
Warren had never been wrong down through the years, but I felt,
with a little disappointment, that he had slipped on this point.
However, 3 days later, as if a banshee storm blew through,
we had a huge argument that blasted us apart.
We'd never argued! It was unthinkable as it was final.
Rev. Hoover was right again...
In hindsight, I realized that on a deeper, less conscious level,
I had been feeling that we had come to the end of our learning together.
The vital purposes for our friendship had all been fulfilled.
In order for each of us to continue growing, we would have to walk
our separate paths.
I had tried to voice that a couple of times, but neither of us wanted to face
that eventuality. We were comfortable with the way things were.
The Universe gave us the boot to separate us and get us growing again.
One of the constant lessons in my life has been detachment...yet again.
Do your work and let go. The person and the outcomes are not mine.
During the Florida trip, my sensitivity returned at full force.
I could feel Larry's wife wanting to call for several days.
Thankfully, and of necessity, I had left my phone at home.
I needed to cut clean and clear myself.
I felt Larry as well.
But I was determined to dodge Rev. Hoover's prediction of future contact.
At the end of the trip, when I returned home, there were several messages
from his wife. They were in turmoil.
The most significant message was the one that announced their split.
"You can have him now, if you want him. We're done!"
That was soon followed by a call from Larry, hoping to re-engage.
For my part, I knew not to touch any of it.
Fortunately, I had been shielded from their storm...and their karma.
To kick up the mystery, there was another very strange element that
I almost hesitate to mention...but it is rightfully part of the experience.
After meeting Larry (see A Child's Love) a few times, we acted on our attraction. We kissed. Simple enough, eh?
But the moment that our lips touched for the first time, I was violently
sucked backwards in time through a tunnel.
I found myself in an ancient world, locked in an embrace with a creature...
half man-half beast. Goat? Bull?
It's essence was intense sexuality...The essence was Larry.
All of that went underground for the time we spent together,
but there was a last shocking reminder on the last day that I saw him.
I had picked him up at the airport and gotten him situated at the hotel
for the night prior to his surgery. I bent over to kiss him good night.
When we kissed, an unearthly, rank animal smell emanated from him.
It jolted me into remembrance...
Our first and last contact...