⚡just in time for halloween!⚡

It was liberating and exhilarating to break from my persona. I would never be the same again...

“Pleeeasse!!! Come do Halloween with me!!! I do the best Count of Monte Cristo you’ve ever seen!!”

If he hadn’t been such a sweet friend… By now, in my 40’s, I’d never even considered going out for Halloween, but I finally let him talk me into it.

But what would I go as? No clue!

That is…until I rummaged through every corner of my wardrobe and realized that I already had everything I needed to go as an ethnic-something-or-other.

Little did I know what was to emerge from that fateful night!

A persona so well-hidden…like a genie in the bottle that needed to be set free. An alter ego that became my trusty guide to my inner life.

Then there was the gypsy cab driver that I was set up to meet-the famed Psycho Taxi Boy-that led to…

Dressed as a gypsy-ish belly dancer, I shyly emerged into the Atlanta night to meet my friend…who did not disappoint!! He looked fabulous! This was his favorite holiday and his happiness was infectious!

We met at one of the then-famous 24-hour Atlanta dance clubs for a dizzying night (sans alcohol) of fun.

Before long, I was scooped up by the most extraordinary dancer I have ever met. We never spoke a word…

It was a dance of energies entwined, seductive yet never quite touching hips. It went on endlessly…touchingly beautiful, elegant and intimate.

Finally we got some water and headed outside. We sat under a magnolia tree and drank in the air and the relative quiet. He was a Brazilian exchange student…it was his first Halloween, too.

After a bit, we returned to the dance floor and then, shortly before dawn, we parted ways. What a magical night…

(the beautiful Brazilian appeared again a few weeks later…sans costumes! I had made sure that no one would ever recognize me…but he picked me out of a crowd somehow!🥸)

After he left, I realized I didn’t have my car keys. I think they got caught in my bangles under the tree. I was pretty sure I knew the spot. But they were nowhere to be found. Others joined in to help. No luck! Finally the bouncers and security came with flashlights. We all searched until the batteries died.

At this point, I was having a persistent back-of-the-brain sense that I was NOT going to find them. But I knew right where they were!

Defeated, I went back inside and tried to call a cab. On a night like this, there were NO cabs to be found.

A bit of panic started to set in. Not only were my car keys missing, but so were my apartment keys. To make matters worse, I was only visiting Atlanta on a work trip, so I lacked the usual resources. I paced miserably as the club emptied and the sky began to lighten. My makeup had melted away. In my dishevelled gypsy belly dancer state, I could not be seen in the light of day! Not like this! I was filled with remorse for my ill-fated escapade!

Then…out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cab-a gypsy cab (illegal)- roll up slowly on the entrance. I made a mad dash for it, opened the back door and locked myself in before I would tell him where I was going…and that when we got there, he’d have to break into my apartment for me!

I’ll never forget the moment when he turned around and a surly voice came out from under his well-worn oilskin hat. “Lady…you’re the second broad to tell me that tonight! Where do you live?!” he demanded brusquely.

When I told him, he shook his head, saying “I know all about those apartments! There’s NO way I can break in!!”

A small battle of wills ensued. I was not going to get out of his cab. I needed his help!! He finally decided to humor me and prove his point. We went, he showed me the locks. Of course he was right all along…

By now he understood my predicament…and he came up with a short-term solution. He had the keys to a friend’s apartment while he was out of town. I could couch surf for a few hours until he finished his shift and then we could go back to the club and search for the keys in the daylight. Though it all seemed a bit dodgy, I took a chance. (turns out he was cat-sitting)

The most curious thing happened in those few hours… My spirit was opened and I began to know things about him. A deep sense of compassion accompanied the knowing.

When he got back, I could see how tired he was…in a soul-weary kind of way. He splashed some water on his face and we got in the cab and headed back to the club.

In another curious moment, I walked straight to where I KNEW the keys were the night before…and there they lay…plainly out in the open. I felt like I had been tricked…It was mystifying.

That’s how we were set up to meet…

We became unlikely friends, but it turned out that he was Atlanta’s Chess Champion…and a fair bit of a mystic in his own right. He just drove cab to keep a roof over his head and have the freedom to attend chess tournaments. In fact, he gave me a tour of his world a couple of weeks later.

A major tournament was being held at the Biltmore Estate. He led me through the ballrooms where tables lined with players were engaged.

“Be very quiet…and just feel the energy.” (in a setting like that, the air fairly crackles with energy!) Then he led me to a special roped-off corner where 2 Russian Grand Masters were playing on a raised dais. He showed me how to soften my gaze and try to observe their auras against the plain white background.

When it was time for him to compete, I was left on my own. I wandered back to that corner. Standing at a respectful distance, I practiced…and was amazed to actually begin to see!

I saw 2 shadowy blobs over the players, emanating from their backs and taking form over their bodies. I watched as the amorphous blobs changed shape and moved. It was like 2 great bears wrestling…growing larger, stronger or weaker by turns.

Finally, one of them appeared to overpower the other for some time. ‘The winner, I thought.’ (and, in fact, he was)

He took to calling me ‘grasshopper’.

And that was just the beginning…

Spending time with him became an opening to the mysteries…for both of us.

He would often gaze at me for a few minutes. I learned to return the gaze.

(the eyes really are the windows to the soul…and what layers there are…)

On one of those occasions, I watched, stock-still and rooted to the spot, as he suddenly transfigured three times…in front of me.

Another time, I spontaneously became/ experienced three past versions of myself….from different times and cultures.

Powerful and illuminating…

(the clues were there all along…)

In a way, it was like a chick breaking through its shell…a time of becoming.

A time of un-becoming, as well…

That story became the title story of my 1st book, in fact…

Psycho Taxi Boy on a Terribly Hot Sunday Night with the Southern Baptist ConventionDebra Robinson·August 13, 2024Read full story

But, back to Halloween…I had discovered this hidden side of my personality.

It was liberating and exhilarating to break from my persona. I would never be the same again.

But this was not a false or make-believe persona…

This was more like a hidden facet that lay beneath the surface.

In ensuing years, more facets would be revealed.

I went out 3 nights in a row. It was incredibly fun… I watched the effect it had on others…and called it good!!

Another way of Letting Go….

We suffer from our rigid and narrow identities…our names, our titles and perceptions..all handed down by the environment...the external world.

But what of the inner world?

Everyone needs to break out, even if briefly.

I was to find that societies around the world have a day or even a week set aside for this psychological necessity.

We need more Halloween, I thought…

This chance to cavort with our hidden sides. It felt strangely important. It also felt like a sneak preview cut prematurely short…

I would dutifully wait for the next Halloween costume exploration. But there was more spilling from the cupboards and trunks than I expected. It really became an avenue of exploration over the next few years. The past life realities (not necessarily true for all?) were pressing forward.

I thought back to the highly-developed Thai healers that I’d worked with. They consider it normative and beneficial to recover those memories to assist them in this lifetime.

As one explained, “Those were difficult lives filled with experience and learning. You EARNED all of that. Why wouldn’t you want to bring it all into your present awareness? “

Very compelling point…

In my experience, a couple of those past lives had already broken through (and not through an intermediary, which is generally a doubtful exercise) and I had benefited enormously as a result.

For us, it is infrequent and we make a big deal of it…For them it was a normal part of understanding yourself.

There is a sensible continuity…a common thread that runs through those experiences. You get a marvelous glimpse of the devlopment of a soul…Your Soul.

(now if this confuses or doesn’t appeal for whatever reason, just remember we’re not all in the same grade down here. just set it aside)

I began to work with the impressions that came…I would softly study the personalities.

What was this Geisha aspect? Gypsy? East Indian aspect? Folk dancer with an affinity for this culture and not another. It was all information.

People might notice which professions they are attracted to or repelled by…The same with geography and cultures… Physical characteristics you’re innately attracted to…or not. It all has its roots somewhere…

You know, for the last several years, our focus has been drawn to the outside world and its concerns.

But, like the tides that roll in…and recede…it feels like a time to turn inward again. To pick up our own journeys again. They have immense value…

These thoughts flit through our minds often…We just don’t stop to give them our attention. We consider them to be just random...

But what if they have meaning for us?

As I fleshed out the Geisha piece, for example, I discovered a world of diversity…and my place in it. (I was entranced by them in Japan…attracted and repelled) Now I understand why.

One year I did halloween 3 times…to address each aspect.

With the help of a gifted makeup artist, I went as a Japanese geisha, a Chinese geisha…and lastly Quan Yin. Each was a revelation…and a manifestion of energy.

(try walking Quan Yin into a dive bar, for instance…)

A conscious expression of what lies within…

I then began to bring the essence of the idea into everyday life-instead of leaving it all pent-up, waiting for halloween.

These revelations give us a wider repertoire as we go through life…

Freedom of movement and expression….

We understand our delicate aspects, our powerful ones, our fluidity and breadth of understanding and temperament.

We relax into our larger far-ranging selves…

That wisdom, with its strengths and attributes, can be shared with the world.

We really ARE more than we appear to be…going backward…and forward.

This is perhaps part of why young people are often confused about their sexuality. They feel what surges through them, the feminine, masculine, non-binary, etc. characteristics, but they don’t know how to contextualize what they are experiencing.

Our society rushes to label, gets over-involved (amateur hour) and gets people stuck in a category, a diagnosis, or an identity…

which is perhaps better viewed as a symphony of personality (not identity).

One that is inherently fluid and multi-layered. A personality and a soul in progress…

Let them try them on for size…like halloween…like fashion…or a fad.

Let them experience it, learn, place it, maybe put it back on the rack and move on. (consider sharing these paragraphs…a little insight goes a long way) We don’t grow without curiosity…

We can incorporate in the truest sense of the word…Embody! Discover…Come Alive!

Have an insightful “All Souls Day”

~~~~~

As always, thanks for reading…💖

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She Let Go...Debra Robinson·October 21, 2025Read full storyfurther thoughts on letting go...Debra Robinson·October 25, 2025Read full story