all women are natural witches...
Eric was suffering after yet another failed relationship.
As had happened many times before, the departing partner laid the blame
at his feet.
And once again, the break-up sent him into a pain-filled downward spiral.
Was he ever going to be good enough?
In bed? In social situations? In co-habiting? Finances? In his career?
Starting with his mother and continuing to the present, he was always
judged to be lacking.
Although he tried really hard to live up to each and every woman's expectations, he would get struck down again...often viciously.
He'd limp away time after time with nothing to show for his investment
of time and heart.
It's not that he chose those women impulsively or superficially.
He'd gotten careful over time.
He is intelligent, sensitive and perceptive...perfect soulmate material.
But somehow, he attracts demanding, unstable and occasionally volatile women who have a tendency to carve him up at the end.
Well...it's like this, Eric...
All women are natural witches...
They are unabashedly out for themselves. That's rule #1.
They know they've got something you want and they will ruthlessly
wield that over you.
Sex as a weapon. A weapon of intimidation, a weapon of control.
A thing to be bartered for food, jewelry, security, status and power.
A means to an end, which is usually dominance...intellectual, emotional
and material.
A little power and acknowledgment may be doled out to you on occasion,
but they will always hold the upper hand.
That is the norm. You will not change the fact.
Nice guys will always finish dead last.
Once the thrill of the hunt has passed, once they have extracted what is possible from you, you will be chucked out with hardly a thought. Certainly no regret. You are a commodity...a disposable.
Putting yourself out there as a good guy just makes you easy pickings.
How many times does it take to prove it?
Let's see...there was Marti, Serena, Lana, Christy...yep...more than a few.
Will my heart survive long enough to find the 'One'?
I've been at this all my life...I'm young, but I'm tired already.
Maybe it IS me... I just don't have what it takes to compete...
I don't have enough of what they're looking for.
I don't want to be alone, but is this even worth it?
Let me say it again...
All women are natural witches.
What do I mean by that? First of all...I am a woman.
So speaking from the inside, I've had a lot of time to observe,
to hear and understand things that you are unlikely to hear.
I've experienced the cultural conditioning, both good and bad.
I've heard all the justifications and excuses, seen most of the petty machinations and manipulations that we take for granted.
You, unfortunately are just getting your head cracked left and right
by what we do.
Not to mention getting your heart battered and your self-esteem
crushed for no good reason.
My advice to you?
A saner premise. A more workable foundation.
You have been fed a load of crap about male-female relationships.
As you have probably noticed by now...it's not working for most people.
There are some happily self-deluded folks out there, but that stretches
the definition of happiness...
The mainstream human...male or female...is fairly unevolved.
Moreover, they are hoping to remain that way if at all possible.
So...where do you fit in that scheme of things?
What are your goals and aspirations? What do you know of yourself?
If you want to have a job, a wife, kids, a mortgage and the like,
then join the masses, take your best shot and good luck to you.
Most folks are that undiscriminating.
It doesn't help to narrow the search by sharing favorite movies and activities, shared politics and/or religion.
That doesn't seem to hold up very well, either.
In sculpting, the first thing the artist does is to knock off some big hunks
of unnecessary stone to begin getting at what he envisions beneath.
He chisels, shapes and refines from there.
So, in terms of society...are you a mainstream guy or not?
If not, knock the mainstream women off the list of viable partners.
Discard the whole lot and get on with things.
It can't ever work.
You are dissimilar creatures with differing orientations and a vastly
different trajectory in life.
They are a recipe for disaster and...even more pain.
Next...set aside your notions of who you think you are.
You are not your story...
the story that's been formed by your parents and your partners
and your broken self.
You do not exist as an extension of anyone's opinion of you.
"What anyone thinks of me is none of my business..."
You determine your own worth.
Only you know the real you.
Build yourself back up and refuse all detractors.
In the end, you'll find yourself to be a somewhat flawed,
but generally good and worthy person.
Flaws are easy. They are side issues at best.
They may actually be a little lovable in their own right. Happens all the time!
Heck! It might be nice to have someone in your life that likes you just the way you are for a change...
Once you have set the mainstream folks to the side, open your eyes
to who you've not been seeing all this time as you blindly pursued
what society has urged on you.
There is a whole world of people that you have filtered out of your perception based on the social milieu in which you find yourself.
People who have been eclipsed by the over-culture's standards which,
in fact, may or may not be your standards at all.
In discovering your authentic self and being true to and supportive of who
you really are, rather than concocting a persona based on what other people want you to be at any given moment, you are also going to discover that you are naturally programmed for and attuned to finding your mate.
"If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife..." as the song goes. There are variations on that theme...
I was raised, for instance, to look beyond the physical appearance of a person and to value what lies inside. Sounds lofty, eh?
But that simply doesn't fit who I am.
I doubted my self and tried that advice on for size...with disastrous results.
Physical appearance DOES matter to me...to a fair degree...and that's ok!
On an inner level, I am programmed this way...it exists within.
There are certain characteristics that make me swoon with desire.
There's no getting around it. Nor is there any need to 'fix' it or apologize for it.
Same thing goes for trying to link yourself with someone your parents or friends think is 'right' for you.
Don't do it...ever!
YOU be the judge.
There are internal clues (inborn programming) that will come to light pretty easily. They are often non-rational bits, so we overlook them, not understanding that they are as much a part of our personal guidance system as are our career aspirations or other preferences.
Take your own internal inventory of all the things you find attractive
and appealing. Likewise, the things that don't... Trust what you find.
You are attracted to certain color eyes? A shape that just turns you on?
Hair color? Personality? Temperament? A certain sense of humor?
Things that rub you the wrong way?
It all matters.
Pay attention... This is your internal guidance system speaking.
Whether you understand it or not, it matters. Don't settle for less.
Let these inclinations guide you. They are there for a reason.
I'll never forget a man who was blossoming into his authentic self.
He was in an amazing period of life and was making great strides.
But he was lonely as he left behind a number of less than ideal friendships
and stepped into the void.
Along came an attractive woman fresh off an affair with a married man...
a nurse with a history of snagging married doctors.
With her ego fairly bruised after her fourth such affair, and in a desperate bid to marry before she got any older, she latched on to this man and rushed him into a live-in situation that eventually led to marriage. The tactic was a familiar one for her...lay on the excitement and sex really thick. While the doctors took full advantage and wrote her off once the excitement began to fade, this young man had never been fawned over like this and he accepted it as love instead of the raw manipulation that it was.
I'll never forget the way he told me with a wry smile: "Well, she's not my type...not anything like what I was looking for, but here we are!"
She made his decision for him and he has been trying to 'make do' ever since.
His insecurities made him vulnerable to her plans for his life.
The course of his life was changed...
He never even knew the underlying story of their engagement.
He basically suited her needs at the time.
So now he has to fake this never-ending love story.
Self-delusion is hard and ultimately disappointing work.
It is already unraveling around the edges, of course.
He's in for a very hard fall...
Try to hold your ground confidently as you get to know yourself.
See through people's motives...your own, as well.
Motive is everything, as you will find...
Observe the people and situations around you and learn from every one of them.
Better to learn at their expense and not your own.
Let the game players play their games.
Aim higher. Don't flinch.
What you need will find its way to you...as long as you're not stranded
on an yet another exit ramp on life's highway.
Discrimination is the name of the game.
Every time you are attracted to someone or something about that someone,
you have an opportunity to learn something of yourself..to understand yourself on a deeper level.
Don't rush headlong after the attraction... First, get the understanding.
Not every attraction is in your best interest, but they are all worth poring over.
Unregenerate woman... the natural witch.
Everyone comes into this life endowed with a complex makeup of energies
and potentials.
What we do with them is up to us.
There will be personality traits, both innate and learned, a growing body
of experiences...some of our choosing, many not...the raw material of life.
We discover and learn to use all of our various natural powers.
Grace, intelligence, strength, beauty, parallel faculties, psychic and soul energies...so many things.
These potent components are neutral in themselves.
What we do with them is up to us.
We can shape this raw material in any way we choose...with any motive, as well.
We live in a world of light and shadow.
We find that we ourselves are made up of light and shadow.
We are here to evolve, to make something better of ourselves.
To overcome shadows. To grow and to have a favorable impact on the world we find ourselves in.
On deeper levels not always well understood, we yearn for home, for coupling, for extending life, leaving a legacy of our time here.
That can take the form of a child, a work of art, a life well-designed and lived...
Something that speaks of our interaction with this life with its struggles
and opportunities.
"The unexamined life is not worth living" declared Socrates.
A worthy companion or two on that journey is a treasure.
Someone on a wavelength...
The companions will be more or less intimate on various levels.
With that, the adventure can be undertaken.
Better someone that is naturally a pleasure to be around.
A soul that understands that 'iron sharpens iron.'
A soul that has evolved beyond the petty issues of life in a way
that matches or exceeds your own.
Who wants to be bickering about who takes out the trash?
Need I say more?
Those people exist...just like you exist.
But most people are still asleep.
Just tiptoe past them and find someone who is also awake...
someone who has taken it upon themselves to make good use
of their own journey.
Someone working out their own shadows honestly.
Things like this are an inside job. Believe me when I say this...
Every woman that embarks on this journey will soon come face to face
with her shadow side...her inner witch.
The yin to your yang.
The subtle, dark, powerful shadow to your light, powerful, assertive energies.
The contrast which is also the complement.
She is as naturally comprised of this as you are of your male powers.
It is ultimately a beautiful, powerful engagement of energies that generates the worlds.
But when they are not well-aligned or in competition with one another,
they destroy rather than enhance life.
An unregenerate woman, and by this I mean, a woman who is not honestly aware of her potential to abuse her powers, will instinctively misuse them
in our present culture...by nature and nurture.
These are prodigious powers...make no mistake.
Every little girl that has daddy wrapped around her pinky finger gives evidence to this innate power. Seduction begins early and takes many forms.
Many women never grow beyond that stage.
In fact, it is so natural to us that we enshrine, cultivate and twist its meaning.
We romanticize what is decidedly not love.
Don't think that we don't know it...
In life's many classrooms, we have fast learners, slow learners
and many who do not want to learn at all.
Some who want to learn the best cons and manipulations, some who want
to forge a tolerable existence, some who aspire to wealth, power, dominance.
Some who aspire to self-evolution. You know...the ones doing their own work.
Remember-it's an inside job.
Not your job to fix her...not her job to fix you.
Anytime you deviate, you're headed for trouble.
It's a delicate path. An insightful, gentle and mutually supportive one.
One for grown-ups. No game players allowed.
In the words of Marcus Aurelius:
"Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
For your own sake, set aside the injuries that have been inflicted on you
by women. Reject them. Set them aside as often as it takes...
Don't be surprised if it takes several hundred set-asides.
They will disappear.
Your wholeness will emerge...
As you become more of what you can be, you will as naturally attract...
and repel...as magnets do...those that should be in your life at any given stage.
Despite all the initial chaos/pain, I maintain that we live in an Intelligent Soup.
So...in closing,
Honor your Self... Love all... Harm none... Magic graces...
(you already know this...)
Debra